2

Going to see Pirates 2 tonight with E and B. I'm not as excited as I ought to be.

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I could imagine myself living on a commune. Falling in love, then running away to mossy hills where I'd wear bright peasant skirts and bake fresh bread, and we'd both write at night. Somewhere between Galt's Gulch from Atlas Shrugged and Harmony from The Traveler. Oh, the neo-Luddite in me (the one who uses a noisy typewriter and grows vegetables in the back garden) is warring with the techie nerd who reads Wired and Slashdot.

Is it cowardly to withdraw, or brave? I'm reminded a little uneasily of the hikikomori.

I wish everything weren't so confusing. I wish I were in love.

1

Reading about America's religious fringe in Hallman's The Devil Is a Gentleman, skimming (a little guiltily) over the William James parts. Started with the chapter on Wicca ("Goddess") and was unimpressed, but the Scientology portion ("Author") was quite bitingly funny, and better because the author "infiltrated the ranks." I just finished the part on Druids, which was homey but, like the Wicca chapter, a bit hokey as Hallman observes it. The chapters ought to be chiefly narratives from believers explaining the how/what/why, I think, because Hallman's secular-than-thou superiority causes him to gloss over the believers' attitudes and quote chiefly the funny or incongruent or airy-fairy bits of conversations.

Of course my sudden preference for interview-form books probably just means Murakami's Underground made a real impression on me. Still, I wish he would investigate Wicca etc. instead of Hallman. Come to think of it, his coverage of Aum is a similar project. I looked up "cult" and it said "a false religion" -- couldn't one argue that all religions are false? -- with a charismatic and authoritative leader. I suppose under that definition Scientology counts as a cult, but Wicca, Druidism, Satanism, Atheism, etc. are religions (belief sets?). I wonder if Catholicism counts as a cult, then? Hmm.

*

Into Frank O'Hara. His "Lines for the Fortune Cookies" are especially terrific.

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Poring over the Brown course catalog. Can't wait till I hear who my roommate is. I wonder why I didn't check off "substance-free dorm" on that questionnaire... heaven knows I'm a substance-free kind of girl. I guess it's because I've always gotten along better with rebel and misfit types than with the straight-laced kids I more resemble. Still, it makes me a little nervous. Wish I were more grown-up about this kind of thing.

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Radiohead, "Fake Plastic Trees"
Paul Simon, "Graceland"
Tori Amos, "Icicle"
Alanis Morissette, "You Oughta Know"
Rufus Wainwright, "Hallelujah"
Leonard Cohen, "I'm Your Man"
Regina Spektor, "Samson"
Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"
Cat Stevens, "Don't Be Shy"
Tom Waits, "Time"

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Sandra Cisneros, The House on Mango Street
Tom Stoppard, Arcadia
Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose
Peter Shaffer, Equus
Tracy Kidder, Home Town
Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle
Haruki Murakami, Underground
John Twelve Hawks, The Traveler
J.C. Hallman, The Devil Is a Gentleman

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Good parting advice: Stay hungry. Stay fresh.